by Rabbi Elyssa Joy Auster
When we were standing in archery class, I asked the fourteen year old girls why they don’t wear kippot. During morning prayers, or other religious events, and in the mess hall, all boys are required to wear kippot at Ramah Darom, the Conservative movement’s southern camp campus. After all, I have never met a female Conservative rabbi who doesn’t wear one during religious events.
Though the girls were waxing philosophic in talking about the Universe and whether or not we are really “here”, when it came to the discussion on kippot, I was met with simplicity and ignorance. “It’s a boy thing,” or “The tradition is for boys to wear them,” were the responses I received. So I challenged them back: “but what is the reason for wearing a kippah?” They hadn’t been engaged in the real question at hand: if the reason is to recognize God’s presence and glory all around us, then
It is no surprise to me then, that women are not fully accepted as religious leaders in the Conservative movement. And when the women are given these roles, there is often an expectation that they are men with female gentalia. I am blessed as a graduate of Hebrew College, a transdenominational institution. When I was ordained in 2011, there were numerous articles written on the struggles my female colleagues from JTS were having in securing pulpits and positions in the movement. I have to wonder what, if anything, Conservative Judaism is doing to recognize and develop women rabbis as particularly female religious leaders. On the level of lay leadership, clearly not enough.
I was particularly saddened by the fact that these fourteen year old girls were not equipped with the knowledge to engage in this very real and important discussion for the Conservative movement to move forward. When camp is shown to be one of the main Jewish experiences that make Jewish identity stick for the long haul, I am concerned with the message these girls are getting.
The discussion of females
The fourteen year olds may not get that leap. They might even prefer being left out of this tradition, but here is what these girls are hearing: what you do as girls matters less. As the rabbi of a Conservative synagogue, I had thought the Conservative movement had progressed past this. After all, it isn’t the fault of the fourteen year olds, but rather the leaders who are suppressing the religious development of one half our population.
Rabbi Elyssa Joy Auster serves Temple Judea, a Conservative Movement affiliated synagogue in Fort Myers, Florida.
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As a former staff member at Camp Ramah Darom, I am saddened to say this discussion has not changed in the 10+ years since I was last there (nor do I believe it is limited to Darom). At the same time, I am also sad to say that I doubt the boys mandated to wear the kippot are any better equipped to answer your question regarding their significance – which means we are doing all our youth a great disservice. While I strongly agree that we have done little to encourage gender equality (in ritual as well as in leadership), there is a larger issue here regarding the educational messaging and emotional commitment (of the next generation and their parents) that must be similarly addressed.
Here’s a thought from an educator who does wear a kippah. If with a special needs child we say “same doesn’t mean equal,” and we determine that equal means whatever someone needs to learn, why can’t girls set different rules for themselves. When I’ve questioned girls about their non-kippah use, they say, “it’s a boy thing.” But when I probe further about whether boys should be able to do things that they can’t (should boys be able to be a doctor and girls nurses,) they always say no. So, it leads me to believe that they do not see kippot as a sign of equality, just something that boys wear and that messes up their. As someone who grew up in a time when women could not wear kippot, I saw this as great progress. But for those who have equally, perhaps they do not need to look the same.
Don’t get me wrong. I do think that much of this is misguided peer pressure. I’m just not sure that the lack of kippah has anything to do with the lack of women in leadership roles. Unfortunately, many still see the “man” as the appropriate head of major congregations and while rabbinical school are graduating plenty of women now, there are still fewer, far enough along in their careers to have an equal shot at the top positions.
BTW- I do know female JTS rabbinical grads who do not wear kippot. One told me that the minhag for men is much more grounded by 200 years of time than the minhag for women.
Rabbi Auster, is the problem that you saw that women were not ‘allowed’ to wear a head coverings are not ‘required’ to wear head coverings? In my experience at Ramah Darom (over 9 summers), women have been encouraged, but not required, to wear head coverings, and wear talit and tefillin. Do you think that Ramah camps should made head coverings, talit, and tefillin required for women? I am sorry, I could not ascertain this from the article.
I am a long-time staff member at Ramah Darom and female JTS rabbinical school graduate who has had a long and tempestuous personal history with the wearing of kippot, I appreciate Rabbi Auster’s observations and comments as a visitor, and wish we’d had an opportunity to discuss the push (in previous summers) to broaden the conversation about these issues. Of course, the conversation we’ve been having with the boys & girls, and the one I would MUCH PREFER to have, is about talit & tefilin. On a staff learning level, the conversation is also about being a personal role models (dugma ishit) for all kinds of Jewish behavior, not just ritual or prayer garb.
Rabbi Auster focuses on girls wearing kipot. Schechter schools all over the country struggle with girls davening with tefillin. Similarly, the Law Committee of the Conservative Movement voted in the Fifties to align the Diaspora Jewish calendar to Israel and abolish second day of Yom Tov. However, in all three cases, the rabbis were/are too far ahead of the Conservative Jews and the rulings/teachings are mostly not being followed. On the matter, it must be very stressful and painful for female Rabbis in particular and all Conservative Rabbis in general to witness their commitments and modelling to be ignored. Do the observant/involved Conservative Jews know something that the Conservative Rabbis do not?
The content of this post is thought-provoking and important. But the title? This is not an issue limited to Ramah Darom, nor to the national Ramah movement. Perhaps it would have been relevant to call it “Headcovering Confusion at Camp,” or, if the focus was meant to be trained more strongly on the Conservative movement, “Headcovering Confusion in Conservative Communities.” However, I don’t see a reason to drag a wonderful community organization (which indeed promotes egalitarianism and Jewish literacy in every respect) through the mud, simply because they’re mentioned in the introduction to a much broader critique.
I write these brief thoughts from Ramah Darom where all 3 of my children acquired strong, solid, passionate Jewish identities – so much so that my oldest took her experiences and her identity to a different place in the Jewish world where the rules are much clearer and any ambivalence and ambiguity is masked by the shared value system and communal norms of Orthodox Jewish life. The conversation about kippot and girls in schools and camps is reflective of the great challenge, the tension and actually the vibrancy of our Middle Movement. What Rabbi Auster observed here can be observed many places and reflects our ongoing mission to balance those norms that give meaning to our life and the reality of living in the world in 2012. The older I get, the more I understand that these types of issues are what make our Middle Movement so interesting – yet these types of conversations can also be overly critical of those adults working with the next generation. The older I get, the more understanding and less critical I try to be. While donning kipa and tallit is meaningful to me, my daughters, who have been educated and exposed to their mother as a role model, choose not to. Yet lest I despair, let it be known that my middle daughter joined me Rosh Hodesh Iyar at the Kotel with the Nashot HaKotel. So, let’s keep sending our kids to camp, giving them experiences that will not just cover their heads but embrace their souls, and let’s keep supporting those who devote themselves to the mission of the next generation.
When something is optional and not required then you will be unlikely to find people to engage in it when there are more fun things to do. Summer camp is hardly the place to encourage or be frustrated with women not participating in rituals. They are much more interested in running around, arts and crafts, and boys. They aren’t frustrated about it. Why are you?
AMAZING! This is really the kind of nonsense that pushed me away from identifying myself as a Jew years ago! The conservative/reformed movements were ostensibly about dropping rules and open thought and they have just become a bunch or new rule makers trying to force these poor girls to dress up like a bunch of men! DISGUSTING! If the writer wants to make do that, then have fun; just leave these young girls along. And they wonder why the reform/conservative movement is dying and almost dead?!?!
What a bunch of hypocrites!
At least the orthodox are intellectually honest!
The concerns you raise about promoting the involvement and acceptance of women in leadership roles in the Jewish community are ones we share as well. However, we regret that during your brief visit to Ramah Darom you did not get to see the breadth of work we are doing to encourage young women to embrace all aspects of Judaism and to be equal partners in sustaining and enriching Jewish life.
At Camp Ramah Darom we strive to create an educational environment where we provide many opportunities for campers to explore and develop a personal connection to the richness of Jewish tradition. Campers of all ages, regardless of gender, are trained and encouraged to take leadership roles in t’fillah and other aspects of ritual practice.
For the past 16 years, Ramah Darom alumni, both men and women, across the country and in Israel have become leaders in their own Jewish communities. We are proud that we are producing a future generation of Jews who have been exposed to a vibrant egalitarian community and carry this commitment into their adult lives. We look forward to working with you and other leaders in demonstrating, indeed, that women are taken seriously in our movement.
– Geoffrey Menkowitz, Director, Camp Ramah Darom
I was also a long-time staff member at Darom (10 summers, including one summer as Rosh Tefilah) and this conversation definitely isn’t new.
There are a few things we always had to deal with:
– Saying that someone is “welcome to or encouraged but not required” makes taking on an action seem like a negative challenge. We do need to change the language we use.
– While camp is a great time to explore new things, certain religious rituals carry such strong familial associations that sometimes kids are afraid to go against what their families do at home. The same applies to synagogues. I think there has to be a push from synagogues for females to take on these rituals as well.
– We tried very, very hard to make sure that every eidah (division) had positive role models (male and female) who wore talit and tefillin at their morning davening. Some years it’s easy because there are plenty of people who want to be a role model, and some years it’s less easy.
We know that camp is a great time to emulate older campers and staff as we learn new things – I think we need to focus the conversation on creating a community that encourages full participation in all rituals, rather than singling out leadership. I don’t believe that anyone is “suppressing” religious expression, rather, we’re not doing a good enough job of making it look attractive.
(an initial note: The Anonymous poster prior to me is not worth of a response. It is not a serious post and the person didn’t even have the courage to leave his/her name)
As one reared, raised and eventually ordained in the Reform Movement I am now an Educator in the Conservative Movement and have been for the past year. This is a complicated problem. Both the Rabbi I work with and this author say the lack of a kippot requirement for girls suggests to them that they are somehow less than the boys. But what I saw more than that, was the boys feeling put upon for having to wear kippot while the girls get to skip it if they desire (except when leading parts of a service or going on the bima in my kahal). Regardless of the original meanings of the kippah, the question I get a lot is why do we (boys) have to wear one and they (the girls) do not? They feel the girls are the ones being favored. An honest answer is one I don’t really want to give because it suggests greater responsibility for boys, and I like to think that boys and girls have equal responsibilities.
This was a well-written and thought-provoking op-ed about my camp about which I have a lot of thoughts, posted below. The gist? Girls need more role models, everyone needs more ritual understanding, and the movement needs to get its communities to match its camps. http://alittlelightmusic.posterous.com/tfillin-girls-and-kippah-guys-ritual-educatio
As someone who follows now a modern orthodox understanding of our tradition I do not feel like it is my place to comment on the particulars of the issues presented here. However, I wanted to acknowledge the response of Geoffrey Menkowitz, Director, Camp Ramah Darom, for his approach to online criticism of events occurring at the camp. Geoffrey’s response was appropriate in tone, it acknowledged the concerns which were raised, presented the role the Camp has played and continues to play in the broader debate in both a positive and historical context. Most importantly his thoughtful response came quickly, not allowing others to control the debate or letting the criticism linger without responding. As a Ramah alum, I am glad to see that Ramah seems to have learned the social media lessons; the only lessens of the earlier events at Ramah Canada, which can properly be addressed during the summer. This development gives me hope that other issues will be addressed in the winter.
Thank you for giving me that sense of hope.
This article is a lot of useless frustration at a number of youthful girls. Firstly, wearing a Kippah is not a Halakhic obligation but rather a minhag. If you are worried about girls being leaders in ritual practice in Judaism, wearing a Kippah is not an area that should be of primary concern. From what I’ve seen in the Conservative movement, there is significant leadership amongst women as women often lead services, give divrei torah, and act as passionate leaders even if they are not wearing a Kippah. Perhaps they are just well educated enough to know that there are more authentic ways to be a Jewish leader than donning a piece of suede or knitted material on one’s head. Secondly, amongst most young girls wearing a Kippah is seen as manly and until the Conservative communities across this country can make it the standard and not a choice, any girl who doesn’t want to to be viewed as outside of their gender role will not want to wear a Kippah. In addition, this mentality of men being required and women being invited is very problematic. While I understand the egalitarian values behind this attitude, in practice it is non-egalitarian since men are required to wear a Kippah while women have the liberty to daven with or without it, thereby being members of the community with more religious freedom. Just some thoughts to keep in mind…
My understanding was that girls were not _required_ to cover their heads until after marriage. Yes, I know the whole sheitl business, but unlike boys, this was not a requirement that reached down in age.
I also happen to believe that a girl can opt in on the mitzvah the same way a girl can take on the mitzvot of talit and tefillin in that neither is prohibited by halacha. However,donning talit and tefillin means that one is serious about fully accepting the obligations.
It’s a great conversation to have, and one that should be had with kids of both genders.
??????? ????????? ?????? – Jeremiah prophesies (verse 21) that the feminine qualities of women (e.g., lovingkindness, et al.) shall encompass the masculine qualities of men (who are naturally dominant and easy to anger – and wear Tefillin, and other male garb). However, in the process, the masculine qualities may unfortunately find a way to surround the woman.