The upcoming Jewish Federations of North America General Assembly is expected to focus on supporting Israel’s post-war recovery, community security in the face of ongoing antisemitism and driving Jewish engagement as the post-Oct. 7 “Surge” continues. Research findings presented at the Jewish Belonging Summit in May, co-sponsored by the JFNA’s Center for Jewish Belonging and SRE Network, indicated that “mixed heritage” families were among the “historically disadvantaged groups” whose engagement had surged to a degree. (A panelist at a September webinar about the Surge said that JFNA was working on further analysis of that data.)

In recent years, local community studies by Jewish federations in cities across the country have noted high rates of interfaith marriage. According to a 2021 Los Angeles study, for instance, the majority of Jewish households with married or partnered couples in the community were intermarried households. The authors of these studies emphasize that engaging interfaith families is important to address Jewish population loss, and that because interfaith families do not feel very connected, engaging them requires “clear communication that these families are a valued part of the Jewish community.” 

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The Center for Radically Inclusive Judaism’s new review of a dozen years’ worth of national and local quantitative and qualitative studies of interfaith couples and families delves into the details behind why ??Jews and their partners in interfaith relationships feel far less of a sense of belonging in Jewish communities than in-married Jews. Many partners from different faith backgrounds feel like outsiders or “others,” while their Jewish partners carry the weight of real or perceived judgement from the Jewish community and the pain of witnessing their loved ones experience outright or subtle rejection in Jewish settings. Concrete steps can be taken to move from othering interfaith families to helping them feel a sense of belonging — a critical factor for engagement. 

The data on belonging

Twenty six local community studies conducted by the Cohen Center for Modern Jewish Studies at Brandeis since 2013, as well as two Pew Research Center studies from 2013 and 2020, asked Jewish adults the extent to which they feel connected with or part of the Jewish people, or of a global or worldwide Jewish community. 

In the local community studies, on average only 25% of intermarried Jewish adults said they feel very much connected to or part of the Jewish people (compared to 47% of in-married Jewish adults); and on average about twice as many intermarrieds (38%) as in-marrieds (18%) feel not at all or a little connected. The 2020 Pew report found that only 27% of intermarrieds said they feel a great deal of belonging to the Jewish people, compared to 72% of in-marrieds. 

In the local community studies, interfaith families reported feeling even less connected with or part of their local Jewish communities. On average, only 6% of intermarrieds said they feel much of a connection with or like they are a part of their local Jewish community, compared with 27% of in-marrieds who feel that way. Worse, on average 44% of intermarrieds feel not at all connected, more than two and a half times the proportion of in-marrieds who feel the same way. 

Welcoming vs. including

Some have argued that we have succeeded in making interfaith families feel welcome. In the local community studies, on average only 17% of intermarrieds, compared to 14% of in-marrieds, select feeling unwelcome as a barrier or limitation to their involvement or participation in their Jewish communities.

Still, a 2024 study conducted by Rosov Consulting for Santa Clara County captures the difference between feeling welcomed, like as a guest, and included as part of a community. The study found that only about half of interfaith respondents reported that Jewish communities there are welcoming to them; they were among multiple minority groups within the study who perceived that “personal experiences and communal spaces signal they do not fully belong.” In a 2019 Boston study, “[s]ome couples recounted being regularly welcomed when they attended activities at a synagogue but never really progressing to feel like they belonged in the community.” 

“Personal connections are one of the main drivers of participation in Jewish activities,” according to a 2022-2023 Washtenaw County, Mich., study. “Extending personal invitations to attend Jewish events appears to be particularly important.” But only 46% of intermarrieds there said that someone from a Jewish organization personally reached out to them within the past year, compared to 64% of in-marrieds; and 14% of intermarrieds were invited to participate in a program or activity, compared to 36% of in-marrieds. 

In four qualitative studies from the Cohen Center completed before 2021, interfaith couples “emphasized their feelings of being ‘other’ and not fitting in”; that they feel like “outcasts,” “outsiders,” an “inferior option” or “undesirable” rather than as integral and valued members of the community. That language was echoed more recently in a 2024 study of interfaith couples with kids in Los Angeles.

This experience of othering is not limited to the non-Jewish partner in these households. As one respondent from a 2024 St. Louis community study said, “[W]e don’t fit in anywhere. Because I am married to a non-Jew, despite trying to be involved in many Jewish organizations, I always feel like an outsider, like I’m less-than.” 

A sense of historical attitudes toward intermarriage also weighs on these couples, studies show.  Jewish respondents to the Los Angeles interfaith parenting study “articulated their understanding of how intermarriage has been implicitly and explicitly denigrated in Jewish culture… [Several said their] “marriages to non-Jewish partners were seen as a problem and a source of disappointment.” One respondent said it “makes people feel excluded [when the fact] that your partner’s not Jewish [is] the first thing on anyone’s mind.”

A comment from a 2021-2022 Long Beach community study also highlights what Jewish respondents experience witnessing the struggle of their non-Jewish partners:

“Early in my marriage, my wife attended a service [with me] … A guest speaker spoke on how horrible it was for Jews to marry non-Jews. My wife fled in tears, and my hopes of being able to maintain a membership in a synagogue were dashed.”

A participant in a 2024 Maine community study shared: 

“In spite of my Gentile wife’s efforts to contribute to synagogue life, there was not the feeling of inclusiveness that I wanted. We didn’t feel supported by the rabbi at the time and stopped our Jewish children’s religious education short of bar/bat mitzvah.”

Restrictive policies also matter to some. In the aforementioned study of interfaith couples with kids in Los Angeles, a partner from a different faith background, referring to a nearby Conservative synagogue, said: 

“I wish it was a Reform synagogue… It would be great for our son to do his bar mitzvah there and I could participate. But I know that Conservative synagogues have a lot of restrictions and traditions I’m excluded from. I don’t want my children feeling like I’m excluded.”

The power of acceptance

The study of interfaith couples with kids in Los Angeles asked participants to share examples of moments when they felt a strong sense of connection and belonging. In their responses, participants’ recollections focused on positive encounters with members of the Jewish community.

“I’m still not Jewish,” one respondent said, “but I feel like part of the community.”

Another noted positively that their congregation’s rabbi “has been complementary of my husband’s participation in our synagogue,” reflecting both the sensitivity of interfaith partners to each other’s experiences illustrated across the studies as well as the significance of acceptance of not only the non-Jewish partner but the Jewish partner as well.  

In the Boston study, a participant noted that the attitude of the staff of their congregation towards everybody is that both partners are “both equally members of the congregation and that is really, really important to the fact that we feel at home here.”

In multiple local community studies, intermarrieds said that policies around diversity and inclusion being explicitly articulated makes them feel welcome and comfortable at Jewish programs. In a 2020 Toronto study, for instance, one respondent said: “Honestly, even if [Jewish organizations] literally just said, like, ‘Interfaith families welcome.’ … It’s that extra nod of ‘We acknowledge you. You’re welcome.’” Couples in the study also said they felt welcomed in Jewish spaces “when hosts acknowledged the presence of non- Jewish participants.”

Intermarrieds also expressed interest in affinity groups for interfaith families. In the 2019 Pittsburg study, for example, one participant said “it would be nice to have some sort of group where we could talk about raising kids in an interfaith home,” to trade notes and get advice. In Los Angeles family study, couples spoke very highly of classes and programs designed to help interfaith couples bring Jewish life into their homes in a meaningful way. 

Intermarrieds also said they feel welcome when Jewish events are attended by people with backgrounds reflecting their own. In the Santa Clara County study, for example, 60% of interfaith respondents said it is important to them to have a Jewish community with others who share their identities. It is also noteworthy that, on average, more intermarrieds than in-marrieds across the local studies listed “not knowing many people” as a barrier to involvement in the Jewish community. 

Looking ahead

While some intermarried couples are simply not interested in Jewish life and community, the research is replete with statements that people in interfaith relationships want to feel like part of a community — to be embraced, fully seen and accepted — rather than feel excluded and “less than.” 

The Center for Radically Inclusive Judaism maintains that in order to feel belonging, interfaith families and partners from different faith backgrounds need to be thought of and treated as equals. Comments from the research support that view. 

Multiple community studies note that it is increasingly important to Jewish communities, particularly those concerned about possible population loss, to promote cultures of welcome and inclusivity that encourage interfaith families to raise their children as Jews. Multiple studies also conclude that convincing intermarried parents to enroll their children in Jewish educational programs requires a strong investment in efforts to attract interfaith families to communal programs and events and “clear communication that these families are a valued part of the Jewish community.” That kind of explicit messaging — from everyday Jews as well as Jewish organizations and their leaders — is key to enabling people in interfaith relationships to feel fully seen and accepted, countering their feelings of otherness and ultimately moving them to feelings of belonging.

Edmund Case, the retired founder of InterfaithFamily (now 18Doors), is the president of the Center for Radically Inclusive Judaism and the author of Radical Inclusion: Engaging Interfaith Families for a Thriving Jewish Future.