Author’s Note: Content warning: This article mentions subjects some readers may find distressing. 

In less than a week, over 100 communities across North America will gather to commemorate one year since the atrocities of Oct. 7. Many of them are asking survivors of the terrorist attacks to share their experiences, an ask that is both critically important for the community and extremely fraught. 

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How does one ask people who endured the horrors of Oct. 7 to talk about the most horrific day of their lives? How does one expect an audience to hear about rape, kidnapping, torture and murder when statistically we know some audience members have survived or are currently enduring sexual abuse in their own lives? 

These are the kinds of questions the Jewish Federations of North America’s Center on Aging, Trauma, and Holocaust Survivor Care has been addressing for years, and which have sadly gained renewed urgency in the past year. 

I often say Holocaust survivors are our teachers and our heroes. They have taught us the dangers of bigotry and indifference, the power of resilience and how to provide social services to older people with a history of trauma. We at the Center have learned how to have conversations about their history by using a person-centered, trauma-informed (PCTI) approach; and after seeing Holocaust survivors’ distress following interviews with well-meaning reporters, JFNA developed “Best Practices for Publicly Engaging Survivors of Trauma” and expanded it to cover public events as well as interviews. 

Organizers of the upcoming commemorations should take note, particularly those that will have survivors in attendance. 

As the person-centered, trauma-informed approach is universal, the principles work to create a safe, empowering environment for speakers and audience members alike. The goal is to avoid harming the very people we wish to help — our guests and community members. Event planners may want to evoke emotion in their audiences, but there is a difference between touching our hearts and retraumatizing people who are already hurting. 

From the past year of hosting Oct. 7 survivors and families in North America, we have learned ways to prevent retraumatization and create safe spaces: 

• Slow down. Guests need more down time and more time to simply “be” with other Israelis they are traveling with.  

• If you’re driving around to multiple programs, have a consistent driver so the guests can relax, disconnect, or even sleep, and not have to reintroduce themselves to a stream of new people.  

• Bring a counselor from Israel or invite a Hebrew-speaking therapist from your local Jewish family and community service agency to accompany your Israeli guests throughout the visit, or to at least meet with the guests a couple times.  

• While preparing for events, ask the speakers what subjects they want to talk about and what subjects they’d rather not talk about, and share questions in advance. Find out if they would like to invite audience members to ask questions verbally or in writing so that questions can be vetted.  

• Invite multiple speakers in case one cannot continue.  

• Inform your audience about subjects they will hear so they can choose what programs to attend. 

• Make sure community hosts and audience members are aware of mental health support, such as Jewish family and community services. 

• End events with intentionality, offering prayers, poems or ideas for what we can do together to support each other.  

I encourage everyone to use JFNA’s best practices guide to plan empowering, inclusive and safe events. Ask other communities what they have learned from past events; and ask your speakers and your audience what they need to feel safe. Do not forget to take care of yourself, too. The conversations will be hard, but the least we can do is create an environment that does not retraumatize people and make matters worse for them. At best, we will foster opportunities to empower our guests and our communities to restore that sense of control we have lost and to make sure everyone knows they are safe, loved and respected at our community events. 

Shelley Rood Wernick is managing director of the Jewish Federations of North America’s Center on Aging, Trauma, and Holocaust Survivor Care.