By Steven Windmueller, Ph.D.
Traveling around the country, certainly one hears an array of concerns. The audiences that I encounter are generally older, usually synagogue, center or federation-based; these are the questions that they are asking:
- Why are my grandkids not interested in being Jewish? What can we do to make certain that our kids and grandkids remain committed to Judaism?
- With the population changes underway, what will America and our community look like?
- What is happening to our Jewish institutions?
- Why is the Jewish community so divided, and what can we do about it?
- Do I need to worry about anti-Semitism in America and the tenor of American politics?
The five questions above actually reflect five categories of importance to the Jewish community:
- Demographic/Continuity Challenges (Questions 1)
- American Destiny (Question 2)
- Institutional Transformation (Question 3)
- Political Discourse (Question 4)
- Security and Safety (Question 5)
The “asking” of these questions is as interesting, and at times, as challenging as the possible answers. Often our seniors place their questions into the context of their own lives, as many must first tell you their family story as a way to introduce their concerns and personalize these issues. It’s as if they alone were undergoing these transitional moments. In many ways these “questions” are a reflection of their fears, hopes, and frustrations, after all it is their generation that is living through such significant social and structural transitions.
If one is speaking before an audience that is reasonably homogeneous, there is a degree of “can you top this” taking place, as participants seek to outbid their contemporaries over “how bad” the situation appears to be or “how important” their question is and therefore, their “ask” ought to take priority over another person’s concerns.
This sentiment is particularly present when talking about their kids and grandkids (question 1). One immediately senses a heightened level of pain and remorse as they often describe the loss they feel, when a youngster opts to marry “out” or when their adult children report that one or more of the grandchildren is not intending on having a bar or bat mitzvah. The questioner is posing his/her own expressions as if they have failed to deliver the next generation to the Jewish people. When learning about the distinctive generational characteristics of the Millennials and Generation Z, our older constituencies feel a total disconnect between their world and that of their grandchildren.
The audiences that tend to show up at these communal events are principally Baby Boomers (individuals born between 1946 and 1964) or Matures (folks born prior to 1946). When the subject of “their” synagogue or Hadassah chapter comes up for discussion, they sadly report on the declining numbers (question 4). Their generational characteristics are very much in play as these were folks expressing their religious engagement and Zionist credentials through their organizational and synagogue labels.
For example, on the question of the “Jewish divide” (question 4), more than one individual has introduced this issue by first sharing a tale of how they can no longer be in the same room or share a meal with a family member or longstanding friend in light of their deep political differences over Israel or President Trump. Others when asking about anti-Semitism (question 5) will introduce their concerns by offering personalized stories or report on information they have heard about recent “incidents” of anti-Semitism.
With these types of questions, there is a sense of loss that becomes profoundly evident. Change, as we all acknowledge, is both difficult and unsettling. For older audiences, there also appears to be a type of personalized connection to “their world”, whether of family or community, that appears to becoming undone to at least some of them. As one Holocaust child survivor explained, “When we came to America in the late 30’s we believed that this was the ‘promised land.’ Today some of us wonder whether we need to again pack our bags?”
In many ways this article is a companion piece to a June story also published on this site. In that selection the focus provided a macro assessment of communal issues, in contrast to the attention being given here to individualized concerns and observations about social change.
Through it all, these questioners, as with our communal leaders, are in search of answers, in some cases solutions or the next great Jewish revelation or experiment. If only we could readily supply these quick fixes to these challenging issues!
Steven Windmueller Ph. D. on behalf of the Wind Group, Consulting for the Jewish Future. Dr. Windmueller’s collection of articles can be found on his website: www.thewindreport.com.
Top
The very same day Steven Windmueller’s article was published, I received an email to the effect that a former parent and benefactor was upset that his kids are not more interested in their Jewish heritage. Clearly the implication was that their Jewish education was at fault. I realize that protestations are in vain, but I would like to make a couple of points:
One of the definitions of religion is “a pursuit or interest to which someone ascribes supreme importance.” I would say to Dr. Windmueller’s Boomers and Matures that the religion of today’s parents, particularly the parents of boys, is sports. Sports trump Judaism all the time, and should a child be a good enough athlete to make a winning team, or a team that is a contender for winning, that sport will trump Shabbat, holidays, religious school, even bar/t mitzvah tutoring.
I live in the Northeast. When it is ski season, we do not see kids in supplementary school from the time the snow falls until it melts. There is no question. “S/He’s skiing,” they answer when asked why their children are absent. There was no feeling of guilt, or even a request to “make up the work.” It is winter; there is snow; why would you go to Hebrew school?
Another reason kids today don’t care is that their parents don’t care. What is there to care about? The parental generation almost to a person declares, “I hated Hebrew School.” They fully expect that their children will hate it also, and are almost disappointed if hundreds of teachers and school leaders create schools that their children actually like. “Just get ready for your bar/t mitzvah,” the kids are told. “Then you can quit.” And kids get that message fast. Jewish education becomes a matter of rehearsing for a one-time only performance. And it is not news to anyone that the part of the bar/t mitzvah that matters most is The Party. That’s where the money is spent. That’s where the hours of designing and decorating and planning and hiring and stressing are spent. That’s where a kid gets to be the most popular person in school for a weekend, with t-shirts and photo booth pictures to prove it. And that’s where the dropoff occurs.
Religion is also defined as a particular system of faith and worship. If parents and grandparents never discuss faith with their children (and most Jews are quite uncomfortable doing so), if they do not cite Judaism as their moral underpinning, if they never share with their children the role that Judaism plays in their lives (if it does), then how can they expect that it will play a role in the lives of their children and grandchildren? And if worship is formulaic, and let’s face it – “BO-ring” — then how can kids be expected to want to attend services, where most of the people are old and which most of their peers are avoiding like the plague? It takes work, LOTS of work, to get kids involved in services. But it can be done (camps and groups like USY do it, as do hundreds of others), but most adults don’t want to put forth the effort. It’s just easier to call on Mr. So and So, who has led the service/chanted the Haftarah/davened/read Torah for years and years. Kol hakavod to Mr. So and So, but that is not building us a Jewish future.
Research has shown that grandparents can have a tremendous impact on their grandchildren. Maybe it is time that the Boomers and Matures start to flex their muscles on this issue, rather than simply asking and kvetching. Talk to your children and grandchildren. Show them why Judaism is meaningful and important in this century as much as in the past. It just might have an impact.
Shalom Dr. Steve,
You summarized and asked:
“1. Why are my grandkids not interested in being Jewish? What can we do to make certain that our kids and grandkids remain committed to Judaism?”
Because North American non Orthodox (NANO) Judaism and its primary delivery system the NANO synagogue, have not effectively nor compellingly made the case that they have value beyond being life cycle event factories and perhaps meeting the perceived need of an ever dwindling population of NANO Jews for an occasional worship service e.g., high holidays. You asked:
“2. With the population changes underway, what will America and our community look like?”
The North American melting pot will continue to engulf most NANO Jews and render their Jewishness more and more trivial to meaningless with the passage of time. Today, most are Jewish like a Rueben Sandwich is Jewish. Most are JINOs (Jews in name only). Most are Jews by descent. You asked:
“3. What is happening to our Jewish institutions?”
The adjective “Jewish” is as yet undefined in NANOland. What makes and institution (or for that matter anything/anyone) specifically Jewish? This is the question for which NANOland has no answer. Sadly our enemies are able to answer this question. You asked:
“4. Why is the Jewish community so divided, and what can we do about it?”
The division is primarily between Orthodox Jews and NANO Jews. They have different religions. One has traditionally observant Judaism, the other has political liberalism. The division is at least generally true re their respective political views and the subset of those views about Israel. You asked:
“5. Do I need to worry about anti-Semitism in America and the tenor of American politics?”
Please check out these links for the reality.
http://jewishjournal.com/opinion/dennis_prager/216157/no-wave-trump-induced-anti-semitism-racism/
http://www.nationalreview.com/article/448584/trump-anti-semitic-threats-they-were-fabricated-hysteria-wasnt
You concluded: “Through it all, these questioners, as with our communal leaders, are in search of answers, in some cases solutions or the next great Jewish revelation or experiment. If only we could readily supply these quick fixes to these challenging issues!”
The answers/solutions lie in the rediscovery of a meaningful contemporary NANO Judaism. It would have the power to reach the minds and enter the hearts of the vast majority of NANO Jews who have all but given up on the failed status quo. It would answer the questions, “1. Why be intentionally Jewish? 2.Why do Jewish? and 3. Why Judaism?” It would be a guide to answering the question, “How now shall we live?” Anything less is but an exercize in futility doomed to succumb to the inexorable North American melting pot.
Biv’racha,
Jordan
Jordan, thanks for your comments in connection with my most recent article. I am out of the country and not in a position at this time to carry on a more extensive dialogue with you! Best Wishes, Steven