In 2017, philanthropist Laura Lauder’s son made an announcement. He had met his bashert at college. She wasn’t Jewish.

Lauder’s son wasn’t alone. Over 60% of Jews married after 2010 are in interfaith marriages, a much higher rate than in previous generations, according to a 2021 Pew study. 

Lauder has sent her son to a Jewish day school and enveloped him in a loving Jewish community. She believed she paved a path that would lead to his marrying someone Jewish and raising the Jewish grandchildren that Lauder coveted. “And then when my son came home and said, ‘I’ve met this absolutely fabulous woman who I intend to spend the rest of my life with, I was worried, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m going to lose my grandchildren,’” she told eJewishPhilanthropy. 

Then her son said the words that changed everything for Lauder: “While she’s not Jewish… I want her to love Judaism.”

In 2022, the same year her son married his wife, Lauder launched Embark, a six-week program for young couples in mixed-heritage or interfaith relationships, inspired by a similar program that her son and daughter-in-law participated in at Manhattan’s Central Synagogue called the Center for Exploring Judaism.

Within three years, Embark has run over 25 cohorts for 300 individuals, teaching interfaith families how to implement Jewish traditions into their homes to whatever extent they desired. The program, which was piloted in four cities, includes a Shabbat celebration and weekend retreat. In 2023, the program was folded into Mem Global, the parent company of Jewish-outreach organization Moishe House, and in the coming year, the program will hold 30 cohorts in 14 cities.

Since its inception, Lauder has invested $1.5 million in the initiative, with plans to continue investing $500,000 every year indefinitely. According to the 2021 Pew study, 28% of intermarried Jews planned to raise their children Jewish by religion, and 29% planned to raise their children Jewish culturally – Lauder’s son fit into both categories, and soon after attending the Center for Exploring Judaism class, her daughter-in-law joined the tribe, too, by converting to Judaism. 

Lauder is not mourning Jews in interfaith marriages who don’t want to raise their children Jewish, but she wants to support those who do. She sat down with eJewishPhilanthropy to discuss supporting JDate and interfaith couples concurrently, whether she has received criticism for her support of interfaith couples and the tension caused by Israeli politics within these relationships.

The interview has been edited for length and clarity. 

Jay Deitcher: Rabbi Angela Buchdahl, who married your son and daughter-in-law, is a Reform rabbi. The Reform movement has opened up to interfaith marriage. The Conservative movement is flirting with it. Do you ever fear that changing expectations of children related to interfaith relationships and intermarriage is a mistake? That the community’s leniency has gone too far, and there’s no closing that door once it’s open?

Laura Lauder: In the 1980s, the Reform movement changed its policy to say that if the mother or the father is Jewish, if the child is raised Jewish, then the child is Jewish. So Reform Judaism made that big leap. For all intents and purposes, whether or not these kids are perceived by the rabbis in Israel to be Jewish or not is actually of no concern to me.

I don’t see a line that’s being crossed, because my sense is that we have to be inclusive and embrace these families who are interfaith and who want to raise their kids Jewish, so we want to provide a vehicle to enable them to do that.

Embark is not just a program to learn how to raise your kids Jewish. It’s actually to strengthen the marriage itself around Jewish values. Embark did some surveys after the program for each of the participants. 90% [of non-Jewish partners] said that they felt far more comfortable having a Jewish home, being married to a Jewish partner and wanting to embrace Judaism in their home

JD: Embark claims to not pressure attendees to convert, but can you truly have an interfaith program that exposes interfaith partners to Jewish culture without the pressure of conversion? Is that not still the goal?

LL: My answer to you is a definitive no. It’s not a conversion program.

The goal is to have [non-Jewish partners] feel comfortable in their identity as a parent of Jewish children and as a member of a Jewish household. We’re not saying that in order for it to be an authentic Jewish household it has to have two Jewish parents. We are saying that we are here to provide you with an educational experience with a cohort of other people in your same shoes, to enable you to decide for yourself, and whatever you decide, what we hope is that the decision is to make a warm, loving Jewish home and raise your children Jewish.

JD: So the goal is not conversion, but it’s to lead parents to raise children Jewish, and also you’re defining Jewish by the Reform movement’s definition, where a child is considered Jewish based on patrilineal descent.  

LL: Correct. But at the end of the day, if they decide to move to Israel, they’ll have to grapple with that situation when they get there, but very few of them are ever going to move to Israel or to be worried whether the Orthodox rabbis in Israel recognize their children as being Jewish. I am not worried about that. I am worried about American Judaism and European Judaism and South American Judaism where we are shrinking as a community.

JD: Orthodoxy has much lower rates of interfaith marriages, and studies show that Jews who marry other Jews have stronger engagement with Judaism. Why not focus your effort on pushing for a stricter Judaism, or pushing for day schools or focusing your finances on strengthening the Jewish community?

LL: My personal experience with Judaism is Reform Judaism, so I’m able to focus on that area. Somebody who was raised Orthodox might focus on that group.

I’m really all about day schools. [My] kids went to Jewish day school. [The Laura and Gary Lauder Family Venture Philanthropy Fund] set up scholarship funds at the Jewish Federation in San Francisco for Jewish day school. I started a Jewish Teach for America to train and retain more Jewish day school teachers called DeLeT. I think the idea of having Jewish day schools as a way to raise your children Jewish is a fantastic idea, and maybe some of these interfaith couples will send their kids to Jewish day school. In fact, at our Jewish day school in Palo Alto, Calif., the Gideon Hausner Jewish Day School, half of the parents are interfaith.

JD: It’s so interesting that you chose to bring Embark under the umbrella of Mem Global, the organization that was once known only as Moishe House, especially since they are an outreach organization. How did this transition happen?

LL: I was running [Embark] with a wonderful young woman, and we ran it together for the first 18 months, and it became very clear once she was ready to move on, I wasn’t going to hire somebody new. I wanted to put it underneath an umbrella of another organization that could help it grow and thrive.

I talked to a lot of different organizations to do this. Mem Global’s [founder and CEO] David Cygielman has a phenomenal strategic vision of reaching and touching Jews from across the spectrum of a wide variety of Jews. [He] doesn’t care whether they are Reform, Conservative or Orthodox. Doesn’t care what level of observance they have. David Cygielman’s vision is to enable Jews to celebrate joyful Judaism, not only in Moishe Houses, but in programs all over the community.

JD: You served on the board of Spark Networks, the parent company of both JDate and Christian Mingle. How does that relate to your interfaith work?

LL: I am all about making matches. I’m throwing a Jewish singles party in January in New York City. This is my thing. I love it.

JD: This brings the question of, do you focus on Jewish couples that are both Jewish or do you focus on interfaith Jewish couples?

LL: My answer to that is, everybody is going to focus a little bit differently. With all of us focusing in different areas, we will ensure the continuity of joyful Judaism in this horrible moment of antisemitism. My focus is on both. The Jewish singles party that I’m hosting is only for Jewish singles. I don’t do fix-ups of Jews and non-Jews, but as we know, 70% of young [non-Orthodox] people are intermarrying, so we have to accept that reality, and that’s [also] where I come in [with Embark].

JD: We’re at this moment in time, post-Oct. 7. The war in Gaza has seemingly ended. The living hostages are back. Most of the slain hostages are back. Over the past few years, we’ve seen the philanthropic world throw much of its money at antisemitism with very little proof that it’s doing anything, considering antisemitism continues to skyrocket. How have your views on philanthropy changed?

LL: It has not changed. I am still just as focused on: No. 1, first and foremost, joyful Judaism and experiences. No. 2, Jewish education, Jewish day schools, camps, preschools, experiences like Embark. I have a separate bucket for [donations to] Israel. We do teen philanthropy programs in cohorts for Jewish teens in Israel. I’m [supporting] an investigative nonprofit news organization in Israel to ensure democracy thrives in Israel.

As far as Israel is concerned, in Embark, there’s a unit on it in the program. And we hope that these young people will keep their views on the issue on the Gaza war out of their decision as to how much they want to incorporate Judaism in their lives. I’m hoping that this particular Israeli government doesn’t dissuade them from wanting to have more Judaism in their lives. 

I’m deeply Zionist. I don’t draw a line of saying, ‘If you’re an anti-Zionist, you cannot participate in Embark.’ I would never say that, but I am counting on the rabbis [leading Embark programing] to ensure thoughtful dialog and discussion about these issues in the Embark cohorts in a way that doesn’t just take over the Embark cohort. 

JD: Is there a goal of changing people’s opinions on Zionism in the program?

LL: No, there isn’t. There is not a goal to provide any specific ideology about Judaism or Israel or anything. In fact, quite frankly, that’s why I’m a Reform Jew, because everything is worthy of discussion and debate, just like the ultra-Orthodox spend hours and hours in Talmud Torah and in their schools, as well as in chavruta, in Torah study pairs.

JD: I’m sure people have opinions on the programs you’re funding and if this is good for the Jews. Have you received criticism and how have you dealt with it?LL: I haven’t received pushback. And the reality is that if there were ultra-Orthodox who condemned me for supporting non-Jews to marry Jews, that is twisting the purpose of Embark. Embark is not encouraging Jews to marry non-Jews. Embark is providing a resource to those young people who are marrying non-Jews anyway.