As the Jewish people approach Yom Kippur, the day of the year most connected with forgiveness, we find ourselves in a period of deep internal tension. Likely more than any other time in our modern history, we are divided in so many different areas. That divisiveness naturally spills over into anger, which if we are not careful can all-too-quickly escalate to hatred — in ways that could tragically be difficult to reverse.

To illustrate the depth of the challenge, I will share a true story that happened to me just days ago.

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I was approached by someone I know who told me that he had been deeply hurt by something an acquaintance had said. After patiently hearing his side and the extent of his distress, I respectfully urged the offended party to try to forgive. 

He turned to me in pain and said, “But Rabbi, how can I possibly forgive?! I honestly feel like he had murdered me with his words and I am still bleeding out…”

Despite the gravity of the metaphor — particularly in recognition of and with respect for how much actual blood has been tragically spilled in recent years — we need to recognize that as a nation, we too are bleeding out. Like my friend who felt so deeply hurt by the words of another, it is entirely legitimate to understand how so many within the Jewish world are asking themselves: How can we forgive? 

How can we forgive other segments of the Jewish people who think so differently than us? How can we forgive the failures of our national leadership? How can we forgive when we are watching the pain and fear of children, parents and spouses heading into battle while others aren’t sharing that burden?  

How can I possibly forgive…? The list goes on and on.

Something remarkable that the Talmud teaches is that a critical quality of Hashem is “nosei avon v’over al pesha,” “He bears sin and overlooks iniquity.” Some might interpret this as God turning a blind eye to our transgressions, but the Talmud explains God does not ignore — He is prepared to forgive when the person himself is also willing to show forgiveness.

Perhaps the ultimate reflection of Heavenly mercy, this is also a critical teaching for how we as humans should behave and lead our lives. 

Forgiveness is certainly one of the hardest qualities to embrace. Feelings can legitimately be hurt for all sorts of reasons. Only by assuming that we ourselves are imperfect will we have the ability to forgive another’s imperfections. But forgiveness is critical; it is central to our ability to grow as individuals, as communities and as a nation.

To be clear, forgiveness need not mean forgetting or ignoring the injury. As a society, we certainly cannot afford to forget the mistakes of the past. Indeed, we have an obligation to learn from those mistakes to ensure they are not tragically repeated. 

But forgiveness means that we are prepared to accept the failings of others — and only when we do that will others be prepared to accept our own failings. 

Israel and the Jewish people are amidst deeply challenging days. This Yom Kippur comes at a time when we are still at war, our soldiers fighting for their very survival alongside the quest to return our hostages home. Within that environment of tension and uncertainty, we must all commit ourselves to finding the path of acceptance of the other. 

We must appreciate that even while we are a diverse people, we don’t have the luxury to be a divided people. 

Over the course of more than 25 years, I have been blessed to be a part of the Tzohar Rabbinical Organization, which prides itself on this vision: that even when we think differently, vote differently, observe differently and at times even believe differently, we never assume that we have the perfect answer. Like individuals, we have made mistakes and learned from them, but we are willing to forgive because imperfection is part and parcel of the human predicament. Throughout it all, we have held true to the firm belief that the unity of our peoplehood is a force worth strengthening with all our hearts and minds. I invite all who can to join us in this increasingly important mission. 

For the sake of our people’s future, in the face of grave and growing threats, let us never abandon that vision. Let us pray that our power to forgive, a power taught to us so majestically by Hashem’s example, will be a force to usher in better, safer and more peaceful days in the year ahead.

Rabbi David Stav is the chair and founder of the Tzohar Rabbinical Organization and chief rabbi of Shoham.