David Bryfman at the recent ELI Talks in New York City:
“So congratulations to all of you out there who have managed to get large numbers on your free programs. All you’ve managed to do is prove the point that people will do absolutely anything for free. And the numbers are staggering. But now ask yourselves, why would anyone who has been thrown free Jewish life milestones now think they are valuable enough to pay for others of more or greater significance?… Are we as a community brave enough to hit ‘pause’ if not reset’? Can we take a step back and look at the consequences of free and see if we can utilize its undoubted power, its magnitude, to really transform the Jewish community as a whole?”
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We should all be shouting on the rooftops the message that David so eloquently put. I was recently asked to pay to join a prayer community that I enjoyed attending. It made perfect sense logically to invest in the type of community I saw as important and fulfilling and yet I had a visceral negative reaction when first approached about it. As I reflected on why I was having that reaction, I realized that most of it is due to the fact that all of my Jewish involvement in my 20s has been provided for free.
We do need a “reset” on providing meaningful Jewish experiences away for free!
David is describing a real missed reality about Emerging Adults and the cultural expectation we have created of Jewish life being something owed to the participant with little or no obligation. Data shows us that this age group (18-27 roughly) is not developmentally pre-disposed to make serious commitments in part because their sense of determining priorities is in flux from an adolescent perspective to an adult one. Their developmental stage leans them away from making the connection between understanding something is of value and actually seeing a sense of personal responsibility for that value experience to exist. One reason values-based experiences like Alternative Spring Breaks work is because they have to put forth actual effort of some kind to actualize their idealism which concretizes shifting beliefs. Spending money implies commitment though and this age group often still sees “Jewish” as being provided by an older generation for them to experience as it was when they were adolescents. Making the leap to personal responsibility takes both time and messaging for them to absorb. Our community has not grasped that reality and still expects an immediate quid pro quo which leaves us often frustrated and disappointed at their lack of what seems to be obvious response of affiliation, donation, etc. Kol HaKavod to David for bringing that to such an important venue! Hopefully it will lead to real discussions about how to message this value to this age group in a developmentally appropriate way that will yield long-term results of commitment of both money and time as Jewish priorities.