It all began at Gate A-18 at LaGuardia Airport. We were returning from a Hillel International meeting, engaged in a deep discussion about supporting Jewish students, a topic near and dear to us. This work has taken on even greater significance after the previous academic year, which was marked by heightened tensions after the Oct. 7 Hamas terror attacks in Israel. 

In the course of our conversation, it became clear to us that the uncertain semester ahead would require support not only for students but for their parents as well. We are both Hillel directors and parents: Joyce’s son is starting college this fall, while Betsy’s daughter graduated in May. Our experiences give us insight into the worries parents have about whether their children will connect and thrive as Jewish students in the coming year. 

In these anxious times, more anxiety is the last thing anyone needs. As both parents and campus professionals, we know how easily worry can fester and grow, fueled by distant and uncontrollable events. We asked each other: What could we do to help alleviate these fears? How could we use our experience to support families during these challenging times? Hillel International, along with other Jewish organizations, has published recommendations for campus administrators and students for the upcoming academic year — what might we recommend to parents?

We boarded the plane and the flight attendant began the usual safety shpiel. Only this time, the familiar instructions provided us with unexpected inspiration for what we could offer to families of Jewish students:

Keep your seat belt fastened in the event of turbulence. The transition to college can be exciting but also challenging. College life, like a flight, has its ups and downs. Help your student set realistic expectations. They are resilient, adaptable and, when given the runway to do so, excellent problem-solvers. You will help your student get to their “destination” (a successful college transition) by staying in your seat with your seatbelt securely fastened and trusting them to pilot their plane. 

Put your oxygen mask on before assisting others. Events on campus can provoke strong reactions. Both parents and Hillel professionals seek to help students develop their capacity to adapt to and confront challenging situations. Parents, we advise you to put on your own metaphorical oxygen mask before reaching out to your student about an event or incident. A calm demeanor from parents helps students feel more secure in handling their own reactions and responses.

Keep your phone in airplane mode. In-flight connectivity is limited, teaching us the value of intentional pauses. Some of the information that parents receive from social media and text groups doesn’t accurately reflect the conditions on campus, what students are working on or what help they really need. Before calling the university president or posting an alert on social media, take an intentional pause, breathe deep and take the time to gather more information: 

• Check in with your student to find out if this event is truly causing the problems you fear it will. Listen to their responses. They know what’s going on on campus. 
• Contact Hillel to share your concerns before you escalate them. Your student’s Hillel usually has more timely information and can also let you know what’s already being done about an issue.

Of course, airplane mode only goes so far. We’re not suggesting that parents should avoid contacting the university altogether, or that parents should steer clear of social media. Instead, we are recommending taking some time to check with your student, take a pause for accuracy, and lend your advocacy and support when your student asks for it.

Please follow all lighted signs. Just as flight attendants use signs to guide us, Hillels use updates and newsletters to keep parents informed. Reading these communications ensures that you are up-to-date and supports our efforts to connect with students. Feel free to reach out with questions, understanding that responses may be delayed if we’re addressing urgent matters.

Safety is our number one priority. Hillels prioritize student safety above all else. We work closely with university police, security experts and administrators, continuously updating our safety plans. While we understand parents’ desire to know these plans, sharing them could compromise safety. Rest assured, we are dedicated to keeping students safe.

Please sit back and enjoy your flight. We are in this work to foster and strengthen Jewish student identity, and we love it. We are passionate about supporting Jewish students, in part, because our own Jewish identities are so enriching to our lives, providing us with deep meaning, connection and joy. While we can’t predict what the year ahead will bring, we are committed to ensuring that Jewish students “enjoy the flight.” When students find joy in their Jewish identity, they are more resilient. They thrive. Parents, please partner with us in helping Jewish students experience the “good stuff” in Jewish community. Encourage them to visit Hillel’s opening events, hang out at a Shabbat dinner, swing by for a bagel brunch, take part in the many learning and social programs we offer throughout the year – we promise good food and good company. Ask them what fun Hillel events they’ve been to recently. 

Together, we can help your students develop a strong sense of who they are as Jewish adults as they pilot their way through this next stretch of their journey.

Betsy Polk is director of Jewish Life at Elon University and Joyce Gordon is director of Jewish Life at Duke University.