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You are here: Home / The Blog / How My Love for Israel Uncovers My True Friends

How My Love for Israel Uncovers My True Friends

December 3, 2010 By eJP

by Ines Astrug

At one time or another we have all lost a friend, I suppose; they don’t need to die, G-d forbid. Sometimes we move to new countries or continents, move on with our lives, marry, and get estranged. Seldom is the reason for losing a friend love of one’s country.

It was during the last war in Gaza that I lost one of my best friends, after ten years of friendship – we studied together and lived together, and remained close. She was a non-Jewish girl from my native country, Bulgaria. Still, it didn’t seem to matter. I showed her Jewish movies and shared with her my enthusiasm for Israel, which she accepted. This acceptance came to abrupt halt, however, during Operation Cast Lead almost two years ago, and with it, the reactionary demonization of Israel.

Our friendship did not manage to provide enough of an antidote to the malicious and emotionally charged media reports and propaganda and she would not listen to any arguments from my side. I was biased, she claimed, because I had made aliyah many years ago (though now I live in Munich) and she was “objective” listening to the English-speaking television broadcasts while she was teaching at the American University in Tokyo.

I admit I was no saint in this story: I was angry. I took her criticisms of Israel personally. I wasn’t tactful. I told her that posting something like, “Oh you poor children of Gaza, why do you die on TV?”, even if it came from an official media source, is ridiculous and pathetic, and it’s unbelievable that she can fall prey to it after having studied journalism with me at the American University in Bulgaria. The statement by the Pope who blamed Israel and, in turn the Jews, was the turning point in our friendship. She adamantly took his side and didn’t disagree with his position and re-posted it on Facebook as the ultimate truth. My friend of ten years deleted me overnight not only from Facebook and Skype, but blocked me out of her life. She didn’t even quarrel with me. Hers was a break-up of silence: she never replied to any of my emails, not one, single word. She simply deleted and blocked me from her life.

Do I regret getting into an argument, reacting at all? Many times. I have tortured myself over many nights. I have accused myself of intolerance, impatience, tactlessness.

As time goes on, however, and while trying to hold myself back from arguments with non-Jewish friends, with no success, I realized that it is very hard for me to be best friends with non-Jewish people. Remaining silent is the best way to avoid the subject and to maintain friendships. Can I be best friends with someone without being able to speak about one of the most important things of my life?! This was a turning point, after which I started losing friends quietly and secretly, deep in my heart. Only I tried to keep the secret to myself.

And to my deepest regret, this is not at all the worst part. Worse still is that even some of my family, still living in Bulgaria, believe that I am ‘extreme’ in my defense of Israel. And this is an extremely important point I would like to make – not only the most tolerant and educated non-Jews are not immune to the brainwashing propaganda, but even the Jews of the Diaspora themselves are not immune!

Every era has had its illnesses and probably the deadliest disease in our times is cancer – a surreptitious evil, eating up healthy tissue from the inside. In Tfilat HaDerech, the Traveler’s Prayer, it says: “May it be Your Will, to protect us from open and hidden enemy (or ambush).” An open enemy may be hard to fight, but at least we know to beware. But more dangerous is the hidden one, causing secret decay from inside.

The cancer of media propaganda is not only affecting our so touchingly ‘politically correct’ non-Jewish friends, worse still, it is affecting us Jews, as well. The Jewish body is probably still looking relatively healthy but we have to beware. I wonder if we will became aware on time, but I am hopeful.

Ines Astrug lives in Munich, Germany and is a leader of the Mifgash Program at Janusz Korczak House – bringing together Jewish/Israeli Young Adults for socialization, education and awareness.

Ines recently attended the Jewish Agency’s student conference in Weimar, Germany, that brought together German-speaking young adults from Germany, Austria and Switzerland on the 150th anniversary of the birth of the founder of modern Zionism, Theodor Herzl.

Ines’s story, and her connection to the Jewish world, is just one of several we are bringing to you this year.

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Comments

  1. shlomi says

    December 5, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    If the writer is having increasing personal conflicts with so many people, Jewish and gentiles alike, then the root of the problem must be lying somewhere else. The the media is a convenient scapegoat to blame.

  2. Carol says

    December 12, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Hashem should bless you. Your heart is in the right place. Never mind that Bulgarian anti semite. You just keep on doing what you do. Best

  3. Bulgarian "antisemite" says

    January 3, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    “If the writer is having increasing personal conflicts with so many people, Jewish and gentiles alike, then the root of the problem must be lying somewhere else. The the media is a convenient scapegoat to blame.”

    Thank you for the sound judgement.

    P.S. Ms. Astrug has been able to live in Bulgaria peacefully, including her parents and grandparents during WWII, because we are incredible antisemites, as history has proven. In Bulgaria, she has so many awful antisemitic, “gentile” friends who would do anything to help her, including when she keeps talking about “stupid Europeans”, etc., I can completely understand her frustration. I am sorry if the extremist views of some Jews have to clash with the realities of violence and lead them to conflicts with people, including in their family who say their opinion out loud. To quote my (probably antisemitic) Jewish boss, daughter of a renowned MIT academic: “Nowhere else in the world do you meet such racism as in Israel.” She is obviously also an antisemite, because she does not save Israel the harsh criticism.

    Bottomline: The world is full of antisemites (including of Jewish origin) and poor, victim Israelis.

    Any person with some minimum level of intelligence will be able to see the discrepancies in the story.

Trackbacks

  1. Notes from Around the Web | ErikaDreifus.com says:
    December 10, 2010 at 7:27 am

    […] In certain ways, I could really identify with the writer of this essay, “How My Love for Israel Uncovers My True Friends.” […]

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