“Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain; we all have sorrow. But if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow. Lean on me…”

I recently joined more than 2,000 people to sing together at a New York synagogue. It was the first event I’ve attended with Koolulam, a social musical initiative that aims to strengthen society by hosting huge singing events that connect people from diverse backgrounds and cultures. 

Courtesy

The familiar lyrics of Bill Withers’ timeless “Lean on Me” took on renewed meaning, as we learned how to harness the power of musical cooperation. 

The experience combined vulnerability and insecurity with warmth, sensitivity and understanding. As we learned to listen — to ourselves and to each other — we evolved from out-of-sync and off-key to harmonious. As one of the conductors shared after our third take, our strength was in our ability to tolerate our vulnerability. 

This inspired me to dream about creating vibrant and equitable synagogue communities, where every person can feel heard, included and valued. In the Modern Orthodox community, we are constantly striving toward this ideal.

Like the Koolulam event, the Sukkot holiday is both a recognition of our common vulnerability and a celebration of hospitality. On Sukkot, just five days after the intense spiritual experience of Yom Kippur, we leave the comfort and stability of our homes for the fragile, temporary, branch-covered structure of the sukkah. We find ourselves jolted by the bright sunlight or cool breeze of the outdoors, as we emerge from our permanent dwellings — our physical comfort zones — and confront nature. 

Yet each day, we invite the ushpizin, metaphorical guests, into our sukkot. (“Ushpizin” is Aramaic for “guests,” a reference to the seven special guests who visit our sukkot, one for each day of the festival.) As my father, may his memory be for a blessing, used to say, there is always more room at the table. 

Unlike Sukkot’s mitzvah of taking the lulav and etrog, which requires every adult to acquire their own, the rabbis teach that we can fulfill the commandment to dwell in the sukkah collectively, by joining together in a communal structure (Babylonian Talmud, Sukkot 27b). 

How can we carry these values forward when Sukkot is over? A synagogue is akin to a shared communal sukkah — a  spiritual and metaphysical home where we open ourselves to connection as both hosts and guests. What if we tended to our synagogues, and our synagogues tended to us, like our sukkot do? 

Our synagogues can come closer to fulfilling these ideals by making some practical changes. 

The physical structure of the mechitza, or barrier dividing men and women during prayer, should allow both women and men to have equal sightlines and the ability to clearly hear the services. We can also make sure that the women’s section is as brightly lit, comfortable and as accessible as the men’s. 

As a young woman saying kaddish about a decade ago, I felt such relief when I entered a new synagogue and the man running services said he would help make sure that my voice was heard along with the men. Conversely, when it took two months for the rabbi or any spiritual leader at another synagogue to even realize that I was reciting kaddish in the neglected women’s section, it left a bitter taste that lasts until today. 

Our synagogues can support women who want to say kaddish, as well as bensch gomel (the blessing recited upon recovery from a serious illness or life-threatening experience). Synagogues can make space for nursing mothers and provide childcare and space to park strollers, so that both parents can attend services. 

Our synagogues can make sure that the Torah is passed through the women’s section when it is taken out and returned to the aron (ark) for Torah reading, and allow women to dance with the Torah on Simchat Torah. One of the spiritual highlights of my year is watching the exuberant teenage girls revel in this ritual on Simchat Torah.

There are so many small changes that will make a huge difference in synagogue life. Baby girl namings and bat mitzvah celebrations can be marked with meaningful rituals. Women can be scholars and board chairs. Synagogues will be better for it. 

We invite everyone to join us in advocating for ways to create a more vibrant and equitable Sukkat Shalom for all. As we do each year on Sukkot, we must bravely choose courage over comfort.  Our synagogues can reflect the values of hospitality and openness modeled at Koolulam, that are central to the rituals of Sukkot. Let us strive and work together to build communities that are welcoming to all – for we all yearn to feel heard, included, valued — and connected.

Mindy Hecht chairs the board of the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance (Jofa) and is a lecturer in applied physiology at Columbia University’s Teachers College.