Even though it happens thousands of times every year, every time it happens, it’s special and it’s right. 

The center of attention is a donor who has given most generously to support the things he holds dear; things that keep us whole and safe and allow us to thrive and advance towards better days. We come together because we are the organizations who benefit from their largesse. We honor them because it is their due: It’s their fortune and they did not have to give away any of it, but they are extraordinary people and they gave away an awful lot — and they chose to give it to us. 

Benjamin Rondel/Getty Images

So, we gather around them and say things like, “We never could have done the things that we do without you!” And it’s true. Our collective vision would not materialize without the generosity of these donors, and so we lionize them. 

Why do these cascades of gratitude gush in only one direction? Observing the grandeur of Niagara Falls, Oscar Wilde famously commented, “It would be more impressive if it flowed the other way.” 

And indeed, that is what sharks do. They swim the other way.

Every once in a while, an episode of “Shark Tank” will take us to an event organized by one of the Sharks, who has personally invested millions of dollars in dozens of businesses, where they celebrate how much money they’ve made by working together with contestants. While these businesses owe their fortunes to the Sharks, it’s the Sharks who invite these entrepreneurs to gather for the opportunity to say to them, in essence, “I gave you the seed money that you would not have gotten elsewhere, and look at us now! We are in a place I could never have been with just my money alone. We could not have achieved the successes we are celebrating today without your vision, your skills, your passion, and your grit. We are richer together than we ever could have been separately. Thank you!”

Our philanthropic lions can learn something from these Sharks. Let it happen once a year — or just once ever — that a donor will invite her beneficiaries, that a federation will invite its partner agencies, that a foundation will invite their grantees to a celebration to honor the work that they do. We hear a lot about how Jewish communal efforts should be informed by Jewish values. Here is one: hakarat hatov, literally “acknowledging good” — simply put, it is doing the right thing by saying thank you and giving credit where credit is due.

When the time comes for the host to honor her guests, this is what she may say: 

“So often it is you who thank me. Today, it is I who thank you.

I have been blessed by God that I am in a position to do my part to change the world. But all the money in the world can’t change a thing unless it is used to fuel the things that you do. 

My money does not teach a child to read and sing in Hebrew, connecting her with the prophets of her past and with the Israeli friends of her future. You do that. 

My money does not guide a family through recovery from a crisis and enable them to feel firmly connected to and fiercely protected by their Jewish community. You do that. 

My money does not provide the professional wisdom to navigate a complex initiative through the treacherous shoals of inertia, the unrelenting waves of resistance and the deceptively calm waters of complacency towards a new horizon of achievement. You do that. 

You tell me that you cannot do what you do without me, and I appreciate that. I am here today to tell you that I cannot do what I wish to do without you. And so today I am thankful for the generous gifts that God has granted to me, and for bringing me to people like you who apply your skills, passion and experience to the work that champions our shared vision of a blessed future for the Jewish People.”

Robert Lichtman lives in West Orange, N.J. and draws upon his long tenure of professional leadership to teach and write about strategic issues and opportunities impacting the Jewish community.