American Jewish communal and spiritual leaders awoke on Oct. 8 with a sense of fear and isolation. Rather than hearing from our friends, many of us faced silence. Where were our Christian friends and allies?

To our lament in the months since then, many of the longstanding relationships, programs and joint service efforts did not lead to support for the Jewish People after so many were murdered and desecrated. Many of us are left with a sense of pervasive isolation and abandonment. 

We should recognize this moment both as a clarion call to redouble our interfaith efforts and to reexamine how and with whom we co-create them. America remains the setting of the most effective Christian-Jewish relationships in history. Too often, however, Christians and Jews have overlooked the extent to which American religious demography has changed over the past two generations. 

Demographic context

Following World War II, the Jewish community aspired to be like Mainline Protestants and to achieve their socioeconomic status. In pursuit of this, we have not adequately invested in relationships with the largest religious communities and most rapidly growing groups. In particular, we have overlooked growing numeric disparities within American Christianity. 

At present, there are:

• 68.4 million Catholics, almost half of whom are Hispanic (27.4 million) or Asian American (3.7 million). The numbers of Hispanic and Asian Catholics continues to grow rapidly.
• As many as 90 million Evangelicals; the term itself is hard to define, so likelier estimates are in the range of 80 million people. There are 13.9 million Black Evangelicals, 9.4 million Hispanic Evangelicals and 3.5 million Asian American Evangelicals, and the number of Hispanic and Asian Evangelicals continues to grow.
• Up to 15 million mainline Protestants, with their numbers declining rapidly. Only four mainline Prostestant denominations have a confirmed membership of a million people or more: Presbyterians (about a million), Episcopalians (1.3 million), Lutherans (3.3 million), and Methodists (5 million), followed by a variety of smaller denominations. 

As theologically hateful and demonizing as mainline protestant denominational resolutions about Zionism and Israel can be, they do not matter as much as they once did. There are yawning gaps between national and local leadership and between local leaders and their congregants. We can still work with individual mainline pastors and communities and stop wasting our breath condemning resolutions from declining denominations. 

We can also use that time and energy to refocus on the essential groups in which we have underinvested due to political differences and anxieties about proselytizing. Both are surmountable when it comes to individual friendships and showing up for each other in times of need. 

We can work with Hispanic Catholics to welcome immigrants and agree to disagree about the importance of abortion access. We can revel in the rebirth of the modern State of Israel with our Evangelical colleagues and share explicitly that our organizations stand for LGBTQ equality. It is noteworthy that the Catholic Church and Evangelical communities seldom link support for the Jewish community and Israel to agreement on social issues.

We ought not demand uniformity of views in order to forge deep, enduring, mutual relationships with these groups; we can work together on some issues without pursuing specious uniformity. What we do need are interfaith partners who know us as we know ourselves — as a family that became a faith and remained a family. This familial peoplehood binds us to all other Jewish communities, notably to the millions of Jews who have returned to our ancient homeland in Israel. Of course, we should work just as hard to see our interfaith partners as they see themselves, as well.

We would also do well to seed relationships in growing religious communities that are coming to form their own significant population centers in different regions. Whether we view this as a strategic need or as “paying it forward” to immigrant communities seeking a warm embrace — or even both — we should reach out proactively to:

• Black, Hispanic and Asian-American Evangelicals;
• Hispanic and Asian-American Catholics;
• Hindus;
• Sikhs;
• Buddhists; and
• South and Southeast Asian-American Muslims

They are coming to comprise populations in America that will only grow in importance over time. They need real friends, and so do we.

While interfaith collaboration is of key importance at our present moment of isolation, a longer-term approach will most strengthen our communities and the communities with which we partner. This approach must be rooted in relationships and must be local and individual in nature. One close friendship that grows over a period of years can mean more than a dozen large community-wide programs — and a community-wide program brought together by close friends can mean the most of all.

For a given city or locale, we suggest a process of:

• Charting relationships
• Fostering new relationships
• Creating relational programs

Charting relationships

Federation CEOs, JCRC directors, rabbinical boards or influential clergy and lay leaders can begin by bringing together local Jewish leaders in an interfaith advisory committee. After affirming those relationships, they can create a list, map or visual aid showing who has close relationships with interfaith colleagues and other religious communities. Who knows the local bishop? Who is close to devout lay leaders in the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce? Who had befriended the respected Asian Evangelical pastor? 

As important as it may be to identify who already knows whom, so too is it essential to identify the key religious institutions where nobody has relationships: a mosque, a mega-church, a growing Buddhist Temple or a cluster of informal storefront churches in a particular part of town. Where do we need relationships? 

Determine who can reach out to leadership in each one and foster meaningful relationships over the course of a given year. Take note of shared needs between communities and see if there is the basis for shared advocacy, volunteerism, or the provision of social services. 

Ensure that more than one Jewish leader engages each community over time and ensure that each Jewish leader shares relationships of importance. Build a habit of welcoming new religious leaders to the area and hosting a gathering so that they can meet other Jewish leaders and interfaith collaborative partners. 

While it’s critical to be strategic about where we make our efforts, it’s also important to remember that these relationships must be deep and genuine. People are not a means to an end, which is why our efforts must focus on forging meaningful connections, in which we give of ourselves and open ourselves to grow and connect with others.

Fostering new relationships

You reach out to a local imam, pastor, swami, priest or lay leader. Then what?

First, focus on fewer, deeper relationships. Meet individually for coffee or a meal several times a year, keeping in mind dietary needs and social preferences. Show up for your new friends at occasions and gatherings that matter to them. Lend a hand where possible, helping other leaders problem-solve and providing them with emotional support. Be a genuine and genuinely good friend. Don’t expect vulnerability immediately, but gradually work to build mutual trust and share of yourself, your values and your views.

Creating relational programs

Over time, introduce your interfaith allies to other Jewish leaders, or host small- and medium-sized gatherings to help clergy and lay leaders get to know each other. Enjoy each other’s company. See shared needs or concerns organically surface in the course of conversation.

Bring larger groups together for relational gatherings and collaborative action around those issues. For every larger gathering, make sure to have multiple one-on-one meetings and smaller-group gatherings. Individual relationships can far outlast initiatives, programs and advocacy efforts and must remain at the heart of any interfaith strategy.

As much as we need a new national interfaith strategy due to present exigencies, personal relationships and small group gatherings should become a source of nourishment and inspiration to Jewish leaders everywhere. These relationships should grow to become transformational for you and your community.

Rabbi Joshua Stanton is associate vice president of the Jewish Federations of North America, overseeing interfaith and intergroup initiatives.

Rabbi Yehiel Poupko is rabbinic scholar of the Jewish United Fund Metropolitan Chicago and a leader in interfaith collaboration.