I recently attended a ceremony for twenty Jewish communal professionals graduating from a prestigious leadership development program. The top men and women in their fields, they represented various-sized Jewish communities and legacy institutions from all over the country.

Every graduate spoke poignantly, with gratitude, about their experience. Yet the women’s speeches had one glaring difference. Every woman, in some way, thanked the program for validating their voice, reaffirming their professional choices and making them feel like they belonged. Every single one. While all spoke beautifully with appreciation, only the women mentioned feeling validated in some way. 

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What’s happening in our Jewish communal world that bright, successful women feel this self-doubt in the first place?

Several other recent personal experiences and a New York Times opinion piece by Jessica Grose called, “The Hour Between Babe and Hag” reinforced this question. I was not alone. Grose writes about the small window for women to find professional acceptance between the time they are perceived as too young until the time they are perceived as too old. These misperceptions are amplified for marginalized communities who have additional obstacles they must overcome to be seen as deserving of their seats at the table. 

Lauren Pasquarella Daley, who leads Catalyst’s Women and the Future of Work initiative, told Grose that Catalyst’s research shows, regardless of age or background, “Women are often viewed as either competent or likable but rarely both… women have to spend more time overcoming these biased impressions and often have to [repeatedly] prove their competence as leaders.” 

Yes, it’s a larger societal issue. But why is this phenomenon so prevalent in the Jewish communal world?

According to Leading Edge, nearly 70% of the Jewish communal workforce identifies as women, yet women only hold about 30% of the top leadership positions. They found a large majority of Jewish summer camps, nearly two-thirds of JCC top executives, and a full 94% or 16 of the 17 large metropolitan federations were led by men.  Study after study shows gender-based wage and title gaps, even within similar roles. 

In 2019, Leading Edge explored this gender gap in Jewish nonprofit leadership more deeply, discovering a widespread perception that one cannot be both a top leader and a primary caregiver. Because of this bias, parents of younger children, and women in particular, have to make impossible choices to fit the current paradigm of Jewish communal leadership. 

Throughout my career, I have had to make such choices:

• Answering: How often do you check email on maternity leave? 

Thinking: Enough to stay relevant, but not too much that you don’t seem to be enjoying time with your baby. People judge. 

• Choosing: The work event or the birthday dinner. 

• Answering: No, I don’t play golf. 

Thinking: How do I build those critical relationships in informal settings?

• Choosing: The breakfast major gift solicitation or the morning classroom reader.  

• Answering: What happens at work if my kid has a doctor’s appointment, in an interview? Thinking: Do men get asked that?

Many women are fearful of making these choices at the risk of being viewed as less committed. These choices hurt… and hurt women more. Moms are expected to parent like they don’t work and work like they aren’t parents. The elusive work-life balance that is never achieved makes many women feel like they don’t belong in the first place.

This disparity doesn’t only impact parents, but women across the board. 

As leaders in values-driven organizations, aren’t we obligated to alter that paradigm? If so, how?

These false choices exist because the current model of Jewish communal executive leadership is based on how almost exclusively white men in their 50s/60s have done it for more than 100 years. Job descriptions reflect qualifications steeped in this antiquated mindset and are rarely re-imagined to inspire a more diverse applicant pool. 

When appointed JFNA Board Chair, Julie Platt said, “I’m not particularly proud that I’m only the second woman [in this position], but I am particularly proud to be the second woman.” She continued, “I want to make certainthat people understand that women should be and must be more prevalent in these positions, not only on the lay side, but on the professional side as well.”

Changes are possible so women feel empowered and embraced – like they belong. 

We can legitimize organizational cultures where caring for yourself, your staff and your colleagues are as normalized and applauded as caring for the broader community. 

We can create paradigms of leadership where choosing to care for your children, your parents, your dog, or yourself is considered a worthy choice, and expressing that choice doesn’t impact how people perceive your ability to lead the community. 

We can foster environments where women are encouraged to take the raise or attend the birthday dinner – and celebrated as the CEO. 

Yes, women must be brave enough to make these choices. And the rest of us need to cheer – loudly – as they do so. We all have a role in creating a Jewish community where women’s voices are heard. We must open the doors and then hold them open for the women who follow. Because we belong here. 

Sami Sinclair is the principal of Sinclair Strategies, where she applies more than two decades of Jewish communal experience to support (mostly Jewish) nonprofits in their development and strategic planning work. She lives outside of Boston with her husband and three daughters, who are the inspiration for this article.