While we can expect a lot of High Holiday sermons this year to grapple with the fraught new realities of Jewish life in America, there is a more important message that congregational leaders, professional and lay, should embrace: Now is the time to grow our communities. Growth might be the last thing on people’s minds right now as security and activism vie for attention, but the reawakened antisemitism on campuses and in cities across the country arrived at a moment when Jews were already looking for community. 

Weary from the COVID-19 pandemic and the changes it wrought in workplace culture, Jews in their 20s, 30s and 40s are more isolated than previous generations. Yearning for a deeper sense of connection, they began showing up in a trickle at synagogues after the pandemic; since Oct. 7, however, that trickle has grown to a torrent, as documented by a recent JFNA study. This cohort of Jews is hungry for Jewish life and meaning. 

Jewish adults in their 20s and 30s attend Shabbat dinner as part of B'nai Jershurun's Aviv programming in June 2024 in New York City. Courtesy/B'nai Jeshurun

Manhattan synagogue B’nai Jeshurun (BJ), for example, saw average attendance at its monthly dinners for adults in their 20s and 30s nearly triple in 2023. Consistent with the JFNA study’s findings, the growth in participation over the last eight months has only continued to swell. Rabbi Sammy Kanter, who oversees Aviv (BJ’s 20s and 30s initiative), added a Friday night service to the monthly dinners and has consistently seen an additional 100 people attend each month.

Less than two months from now, when the High Holidays begin, we should expect even greater numbers at synagogues like BJ and others around the country. Many of us will want to design a glossy brochure of exciting program offerings and send well-crafted emails promoting all our congregations have to offer, but relying solely on these approaches will miss the moment. 

We suggest a bolder approach, one that runs counter to prevailing institutional culture. Instead of allocating most of our time and money into programming to win over prospective members, let’s redirect our investment to what community is really about: people. 

We imagine a future where every single member of a congregation understands it as their job to bring newcomers into their community by mastering a new skillset. 

Let us explain. 

The authors of the JFNA study suggest three policy approaches local institutions can adopt:

1. Increase belonging
2. Double down on cornerstone Jewish experiences
3. Cultivate community and friendships

These outcomes cannot be achieved by a rabbi or synagogue staff alone. We must challenge congregants to reimagine what it means to participate in a community. This goes far beyond being warm and welcoming. All of us must stretch and learn some new practices if we are to not only welcome newcomers but also expand the depth and breadth of our communities for a generation to come. 

This will have a dual effect: Asking our young lay leaders to cultivate relationships with newcomers will make new arrivals feel a sense of belonging, and renew the commitment of existing members to their congregation.

While each institution and community is unique, there are some practices we can embrace that can be tailored to specific needs of a given community. The following are experiences that could be offered to every newcomer, along with some examples of how they have been implemented. While not every community will be able to adopt all of these, we think of them as best practices that engagement teams of lay leaders and staff can deploy.

– Get coffee. Right off the bat, an invitation to a one-on-one informal conversation communicates an institution’s commitment to building relationships and getting to know each person who walks through the door. 

These invitations can be extended in person, or in more subtle ways. One example: The last line of Rabbi Sammy’s signature says “Schedule a time to meet with me!” and includes links to his calendar. While this is a more passive invitation, it telegraphs that BJ is a place where we want to get to know you. 

Additionally, these meetings need not be conducted by the rabbi alone. Any lay leader in the community can and should invite a newcomer to coffee. 

• Come for a meal. The practice of spotting a new face and making a point of extending an invitation for lunch or dinner is a powerful way to cultivate friendship and community. This is best done by lay leaders rather than a rabbi or staff member. Depending on the context, the invitation can be to someone’s home or to a communal meal. In urban settings such as Manhattan, where young people live in smaller apartments that are not always conducive to hosting, we have encouraged BJ members to invite a newcomers to join the community kiddush or an oneg after Shabbat services. In a different context, an effective way to implement this practice could be to form a group of volunteers who engage new people and extend invitations to their own homes. 

– Study Torah with peers. Learning Torah is a basic building block of a meaningful Jewish life. While it is tempting to use technology to share content in the form of lectures, podcasts or articles, Torah study, especially for new folks, is a deeper and richer experience when done with others. Though some may eschew Torah study as “too parochial” for newcomers, we have found that those who are new are often hungriest for Jewish wisdom to address their big questions — and indeed, the JFNA study indicates that people are seeking to learn. Models for this type of engagement include weekly drop-in classes with a clergy member, one-off classes such as a session on preparing for an upcoming holiday, or a longer series on a specific topic. 

• Help us out. One of the most powerful ways to communicate a sense of belonging is to ask someone to take on some responsibility for the whole. People can help arrange chairs, set out programs, build the sukkah, greet people at the door. Asking them to do something for the community — even if they say no — makes them feel like a part of the community.

• Do this mitzvah. Mitzvot are the grammar of daily Jewish living. When we invite someone to do a mitzvah, especially those rituals that are uniquely Jewish, we ask them to identify with a distinct group. This could look like giving newcomers a mezuzah and asking if they would like someone to show them how to put it up properly, which allows for a shared ritual and social bonding experience. In a context where this example is not practical, another possibility could be to gather at the start of Shabbat for a communal candle lighting, inviting new faces to join with existing members for a shared ritual experience. 

• Talk with the rabbi. Meeting with the rabbi of the congregation can help newcomers feel recognized and seen among the crowd. It doesn’t have to happen right away, but an offer to make time after the High Holidays to connect can go a long way to keeping people engaged after their initial contact. 

• Meet this person. It is essential that we respond to the report’s finding that 77% percent of Jewish adults ages 18-34 feel most comfortable at Jewish events where they know other people. This means creating every possible opportunity for a first-timer to meaningfully connect with others. This can look like a rabbi or leader making an introduction before an event so that a new person can walk into the room with someone, or inviting new folks to a program in a more intimate setting where they can get to know each other before dipping their toes in the bigger pond of communal events. 

For example, a series of house parties Rabbi Sammy held over the course of the spring allowed newer participants to connect directly both with him and Aviv regulars, ensuring that they would see familiar faces at the next larger gathering. 

• You’re not alone. All across the country, young people are showing up for Jewish life. It is important to remind newcomers that they are not alone but part of a broader trend. This helps people create a narrative about their own choice to try out new Jewish opportunities.

• Speak to the soul. The uncertainties and anxieties of younger people today differ vastly from previous generations, in ways that can be difficult for those generations to relate to. The energy and the Torah of our young adult engagement must speak to the spiritual needs of this demographic and what it means to be a young adult, today, in 2024. At BJ, we have shifted the tone and graphics of our communications to people in their 20s and 30s to one that is more resonant. Rabbi Sammy’s divrei Torah and spiritual messages in the monthly Aviv email deliver Jewish wisdom in ways that intentionally meet young people where they are in life.

• In digital communication, be personal (and not creepy). When we communicate with people digitally, we can build social bonds by using first names and remembering details of our conversations. This will serve us better than a big list or group email. We should also follow up with folks; if we meet them and then don’t see them in a few weeks, for instance, let them know they are missed. Finally, it’s important to communicate in a way that does not carry innuendo or cross obvious boundaries. 

None of this is rocket science, but the ability to successfully implement these ideas is predicated on intentionally building a culture of belonging in our institutions. This means supporting current community members to form engagement teams that reach out to new folks in the ways delineated above. It also means training staff and lay leaders in relational engagement and community organizing. Finally, it means prioritizing relationships, reminding ourselves that our job as professionals is not to run a hundred glitzy programs but to respond Jewishly to the human need to find meaning, to be nourished, and to belong.

Dan Smokler is the CEO of Assembly (formerly known as Office of Innovation).

A Jewish educator and communal professional, Rabbi Shuli Passow is the director of community engagement at B’nai Jeshurun in New York City.