Ra’anana to Become a Territory of the United States

(AP) April 1, 2008: Senator Ted Kennedy has put forward legislation in the US Senate today calling for a 20 square mile area in Israel (Ra’anana, Kfar Sava, Tel Mond) to become a territory of the United States.

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert welcomed the move stating that this area would then act as an Democratic Free Trade Zone creating countless jobs for both Israelis and Palestinians.

“A US territory placed in the middle of Israel would also become an influential defense and economic boost for both the US military and the IDF as it has become policy for America to establish military
bases on its territories, ”
said an Israeli defense official.

Ra’anana Mayor Nachum Hofree, who has difficulty reading and speaking English, has given the bill to a translator saying: “If this is true, it would be an outrage. Ra’anana is part of a sovereign state (Israel)
and decisions such as this would need to be decided in the Knesset.”

Hofree is rumored to be losing his job to Israeli basketball legend and former American Tal Brody, whose name was put forward to Congress by US Ambassador to Israel Richard H. Jones.

“Ra’anana would be no different than Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands or Guam in becoming American soil as a territory,” said the 64-year old former star. “We already have as many Americans living in the
Ra’anana, Kfar Sava and Tel Mond areas as those who presently live on Long Island. The adjustment back to US law, taxes and social benefits would be an easy one.”

One of the best; we couldn’t resist. Even on April 4th.