Reflect and Question

During the high holidays, we are asked to reflect on our relationships with family, with friends, with colleagues, and others. We take stock of how our relationships are, what we’ve done well, where we need to improve, and we commit to doing a better job next year.

Once a year is nice —  but paying attention to how our relationships are working all year round is what most of us need to be doing. Whether you work with a challenging manager, a lay leader who frustrates you, a family member you feel that you can never please (or, God help you, all of the above), here are 25 Questions that Can Dramatically Improve Your Relationships. Highlight the questions that: 1) you are going to ask someone; 2) you wish you could ask, but feel that you can’t; and 3) the ones that you hope someone will ask you!

25 Questions that Can Dramatically Improve Your Relationships

1. What do I say or have said in the past that you have appreciated the most?
2. What do I say or have said in the past that makes you uncomfortable?
3. What might I say or do to get your attention about something urgent if other approaches haven’t worked?
4. What will be the early warning signs that our working relationship is in trouble?
5. What can I do to make your day?
6. How do you like to receive both positive and constructive feedback?
7. What are your “hot buttons”?
8. What can you say to me before I’ve set you off?
9. How would you like me to remind you about my “hot buttons”?
10. What’s the biggest lesson I might be able to learn from you?
11. What’s the biggest lesson you think you can learn from me?
12. Who do I remind you of?
13. What does that bring up for you?
14. What do we do if we’re both having a bad day?
15. What happens if I get discouraged about work?
16. What about our work is likely to give us a recurring problem?
17. What about our work is likely to make a huge impact?
18. What can I take off your plate?
19. What do you wish I could take off your plate, but you can’t delegate to me?
20. How can I become a more valuable asset to you?
21. How can I become a more valuable asset to the organization?
22. When might it be appropriate for me to go outside the chain of command?
23. What skills do I have that you’d like me to teach someone else?
24. What skills do you wish that I had?
25. What other questions do you wish I had asked?

You can read more ideas from Deborah on professional development idea here.